


One Step

by Center_of_the_Galaxy



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Captain America: Man Out of Time, F/M, Past Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers and the 21st Century, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Team Bonding, Team as Family, steve misses peggy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-22 17:04:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17063651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Center_of_the_Galaxy/pseuds/Center_of_the_Galaxy
Summary: Paige Connors was one step away from ending it all, one step from giving up with her fight against depression and one step from believing that she was worth nothing at all.Steve Rogers had lost everything and woke up in a world that he no longer recognized. Alone and lost in grief, he finds himself haunting his old neighborhood at night.A chance encounter on a rooftop changes everything. Can love truly overcome everything? And can you risk it all in the hopes that love will heal you?





	One Step

**Author's Note:**

> This story will deal with the ups and down of depression. If this bothers you, please don't read.

* * *

 

_“You're never gonna get it_

_I'm a hazard to myself_

_I'll break it to you easy_

_This is hell, this is hell.”_

_—Andy Black, “We Don’t Have To Dance”_

* * *

 

 

The red scarf was much too big for her petite frame but given how cold it was outside, Paige Connors considered it a small blessing. The worn crimson fabric was faded and had some slight tears, proof of all the years she had used it to keep the chill of New York winters out.

“You heading out, Paige?” Marty called to her, the gruff chef sticking his head out of the kitchen window. He was older, a retired pastry chef who found his calling later in life running a little hole in the wall in Brooklyn. He’d bragged that Captain America used to frequent the place when it was a dance club in the 40’s, but Paige had just humored him with a smile. Marty, like much of the city, were huge fans, not only of Captain America, but of the whole Avengers team. And frankly, after the Battle of New York, she couldn’t blame them. Without the Avengers, countless people would’ve died. It was a miracle, one that Paige was grateful for.

“Yep,” Paige forced a smile onto her pale peach lips, “You sure you don’t want me to come in for the dinner rush?”

Marty shook his head, “Nah, go on. You’ve been working too hard anyways.”

“Thanks, Marty. See you tomorrow.” She waved, bracing herself for the cold blast of frigid air. She grimaced as she stepped out into the snow lined sidewalk, letting the door shut behind her. She usually liked the winter, but for some reason, this winter had been more oppressive than usual. The weather had been harsher and she’d been having a harder time juggling her graduate classes with her work shifts. She barely had any time for herself—papers and homework and work shifts all fought for her effort and time.  

“Captain America shields! Get your Captain America shields here!”

So many vendors now sold Avengers gear—practically every child that ran past her had an Iron Man mask or Thor’s hammer being swung about. The city felt different now that it had super heroes keeping watch over it. Not in a bad way, but Paige couldn’t help but smile whenever she caught a glimpse of Iron Man flying by in the sky. It was magical, still, even now.

But through it all, the depression still lingered.

Paige never liked to talk about it much, about the illness that plagued her and her thoughts. Some days were better than others, but the fatigue was always there, zapping her energy. Staying positive about anything—her work, her grades, her future—grew harder and harder. It was like she was under a cloud that just wouldn’t go away, that no matter how hard she tried to feel happy, she just couldn’t quite get there.

Her apartment was a short walk from the restaurant and as she made her way up the three flights of stairs, she breathed a sigh of relief as she let herself back in. Her apartment was the only place where she could let the façade down, where she could allow herself to just be, instead of trying to be a thousand different things to a thousand different people.

“Hey!” Lindsay, Paige’s roommate, popped her head out of her room, a million dollar smile on her lips, “You off of work?”

Paige unwrapped her scarf, “Yeah. Done with class?”

Lindsay rolled her eyes, “Professor got sick. All that studying was for nothing.”

“Not nothing. The exam will be rescheduled, right?”

“I guess.” Lindsay sighed, stepping out of her room. Lindsay was everything that Paige wasn’t—bright, bubbly and carefree. Earning her MFA in theatre from NYU, Lindsay often spent her nights trying out different hair colors and memorizing monologues for her latest audition.

Tonight, Lindsay’s hair was bright red, almost as red as the Little Mermaid.

“Audition tomorrow?”

Lindsay smirked, “You think the hair will help?”

Paige chuckled dryly, “Don’t you have to get new headshots then?”

Lindsay smirked, moving towards the fridge. Her sweats were well worn and her socks were different colors, but as her roommate glided across the floor, humming a faint tune, Paige felt her spirits lifted. Lindsay had that effect on everyone, especially boys. Her weekends were chock full of dates, though she was still holding out for Thor.

“O ye of little faith,” Lindsay chided, “So, how was the shift?”

Paige put her bag on the counter and sighed, “Fine.”

“Bad day?” Lindsay hesitated, “Or are you feeling more . . . down?”

Paige had told Lindsay the basics of her depression. She had to, lest Lindsay think she was a recluse. It felt good to have someone to talk to about it, even if Lindsay didn’t really understand all the nuances.

“Just tired.”

“You know, they’re going to interview Tony Stark in a few. Wanna watch?”

“You just want a glimpse of Thor.”

Lindsay chuckled, “Not my fault he’s so freakin’ hot.”

“I’m going to go lie down.”

Lindsay nodded, “Don’t forget to eat dinner.”

“You got it.”

With that, Paige closed her bedroom door.

* * *

 

Nights were always the worst.

Paige could never fall asleep, despite how tired she was. Her thoughts always raced, the worst of them practically screaming as she tried to rest. She’d never be happy, she’d never graduate with her M.S. in Engineering, she’d never find someone to accept her and love her because she was—

“I’m not broken.” Paige hissed, tossing the blankets off her bed. Despite the words, Paige felt like a liar. The voice in her head, the one that constantly talked down to her, was right. She was nothing. She existed but did not live. The fact that she was here, taking up air—

“Stop.”

She needed to get out. She needed air.

Quickly throwing on a robe and her slippers, Paige slipped out of her apartment and climbed up the stairs to the rooftop. She wasn’t supposed to be here, but in the chaos of the city, the rooftop offered her solace and a clear view of the stars. She moved to the edge of the roof, staring down at all the little cars twinkling down below.

One step.

All she had to do was take one step and it would all be over. This struggle of existence called her life, this unending fear that she wasn’t worth anything, would never be anything, would end. One step and the pain would end. One step and all of it would—

“Don’t jump.” The voice was masculine, one filled with warmth and one completely foreign to her. She knew most of her neighbors in the building and as far as she knew no one new had arrived.

Paige froze, the trance broken.  

“I wasn’t.” She breathed out.

“I’d feel better if you’d step off the ledge, Miss.”

It was the “miss” that caused her to turn her head and meet his gaze. His cerulean gaze locked onto her and despite the fact that he was in a plain t-shirt and jeans, she recognized that distinct jawline and that blonde hair.

“Holy shit.” Paige whispered because, without a doubt, she knew that the man standing on her rooftop was no one other than Captain America. “You’re . . . but how?”

Captain America rewarded her with a small grin, “Just taking in the stars.” He pointed upwards at the dark sky and Paige followed suit, glancing at the sparkling stars above. He reached a hand out toward her, “Will you come down from there?”

“I wasn’t going to jump.” She insisted softly.

“Miss—”

“Paige,” She interjected, “My name is Paige.”

“Paige,” He repeated and she loved the way he said it, hints of warmness in his tone, “Please. Come down.”

She hesitated for only a moment longer before letting her hand slip into his. His strong grip surprised her as he easily helped her off the ledge.

“I’m really okay,” She let her hand linger for a bit too long before slipping out of his grasp, “You didn’t need to waste your time—”

“Paige,” Captain America interrupted, “This wasn’t a waste of my time.”

“But you must’ve been—”

“I was just in the neighborhood,” Captain America shrugged nonchalantly, a tired grin on his lips, “I used to live here. Uh, back in the day.”

Before he supposedly died and then came back to life.

Really, if Paige thought about it, her issues must be so miniscule compared to his. Her world was still the same, but his? All of his friends and family, all of his old hangouts—everything was gone.

“So,” Captain America continued, “Do you have someone you can talk to? About this?”

“I wasn’t going to jump.” She reiterated.

“Okay,” He murmured, but it was clear he didn’t believe her, “But, do you?”

She did, if she thought about it. Her parents and her roommate, while a bit clueless about depression, still were patient enough to listen to her and sympathize. She had been to a few therapists, but none of them had been the right fit. Though, if the depression got so bad, she would need to find a good therapist, lest she spiral into that black hole that had consumed her a few years prior.

“I do.”

“Good.”

Awkward silence.

“Thank you, Captain America.”

“Steve.” He told her softly.

“Steve.” She repeated quietly, surprised that she was on a first name basis with the first Avenger.

It was one of those moments where time seemed to slow down. For a moment, it wasn’t just her and Captain America. It was her, a girl who wasn’t plagued by depression and Steve, a normal guy who cared. It was a magical moment, the kind that you see in movies, that you read in books.

But all moments, no matter how perfect, must end.

“Thank you, Steve.”

“Have a good night, Paige.”

She watched him take one more look at the stars before she went down the stairs and retreated to her apartment.

And the smile, the one he had inspired in her, wouldn’t leave her lips.  

  


End file.
